I am only FIVE DAYS away from getting on a plane and heading to England. I still haven’t packed because I just hate it guys! I put it off for as long as possible, so now I am frantically trying to stuff everything I own into two suit cases. They get smaller every time I look at them 😦 It’s crazy to think that this time last year I was just coming to terms with the idea that I could go to London. The possibility seemed so far from reality. I have had so many people ask me why I am going to London and what my plans are after graduation. At first, the questions stressed me out because I didn’t really know the answers for myself. I just knew it was in my heart to do so I was doing it, but it was hard for me to discuss the details of what that meant. Some time has gone by and I can finally give some concrete responses:
“It was just in my heart, so.. I’m doing it”
As I’ve settled into my decision, I realize my original response was more than enough. At the time I decided to go to London, I had a very shallow view of what that would mean. I didn’t even know how I was going to get there or what I’d be focusing on. I almost felt immature for making a decision when I did not know the details, but I’ve had to remember that God will never give you the full scope of His plan all at once. There are times when we are supposed to wait for God, but a lot of the time He is just waiting for us to make the first move. This was one of those times. The truth was (and still remains), I had the slightest idea of what going to another country would look like. The details get clearer with every step I take.
“I’m not sure what I’m doing next”
Even when I wasn’t in church, I remember hearing “you only need faith like a mustard seed” when I discussed my future with people. It always seemed to calm my nerves but I’m going to be honest, I never knew what it meant. A mustard seed is just really small so it made me feel pretty big. To my surprise, I found out this is absolutely correct! Faith only requires one small step at a time. A seed doesn’t become a tree over night. It has to be planted, watered, and cared for. I have so many options and directions that I could pursue after I graduate and I have more people than I need telling me the best choice to make, but I’m perfectly content with not having it lined up yet. I may not have my 10-year plan laid out, but that doesn’t scare me. Like seriously.. I have a hard enough time trying to focus on hearing God for the right directions to try and keep up with the worlds plan for my life. So for now I’m going to enjoy my time in London, study hard, and I’m sure you’ll be seeing a post on what I decide next soon.
“I’m giving myself a chance to grow”
When people look to you with high expectations, there can be a pressure of always having an explanation. Each one of us is different and has a different calling so HOW are we always supposed to have the right answer!? Honey, honeyyyy it just ain’t gonna happen. Instead of allowing the unknown to intimidate me, I have allowed it to build the excitement around my new experience. It’s a time to grow! I’ve found that the times that we get frustrated or have a lack of understanding are the best times to learn something new. I can’t wait to fill up the pages!
Basically, I’m super excited to go to London and I may never want to come back.. 👀